Yo, AJ:
I’ve thought about starting a blog. Would you recommend it?
Too Many Thoughts In The Brain.
Ay, TMTITB:
DON’T DO IT! IT’LL RUIN YOUR LIFE! I kid. No, yes. If you’re like me or a few of my friends, things probably happen to you throughout your day. Things that make you think, “What the hell?” or “I should tell the Internet my opinion of the skirt that that man is wearing.” OR “Oh my blog, if one more person gives me a little Baptist book of God, I will set the next church I see on fire.”
Okay, I forgot what I was saying. Right. A blog. Yes. If you have an opinion and are not boring, by all means, start a blog. Unless you want to start an advice blog. Don’t do that. It’s my thing.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Punch your best friend.
Yo, AJ:
I’m a writer; I think I’m pretty good at it. Even if I’m not, I don’t care. I love to do it. Anyway, I haven’t been able to write anything decent in the past few weeks. I’m not sure how to get past this writer's block. Any suggestions?
Pentastrophe in Oregon.
Ay, Pentastrophe:
If I’m going to help you write again, you’d better be good. I’d hate to think that I’m helping to bring crappy literature into the world. In my own experience, I work best off of pain. Perhaps there isn’t enough drama in your life. Try punching your best friend. If you can’t get any good material from that, run over your neighbor's dog. If you’re weird and don’t want to do that because you like dogs, sleep with your neighbor's husband. Extra drama points If you’re both straight men. Okay, really, before you can fix a problem, the problem has to be identified. What might be causing your writer’s block? Is it creative? Are you dealing with a major life issue? (e.g., pet goldfish died, your kleptomaniac boy/girlfriend that showered you with presents daily dumped you, you finally found out that they’ve disowned Pluto as a planet.) Whatever it may be, find the issue and deal with it. If all else fails, just write about vampires. Even if it sucks, it’ll still make you famous.
I’m a writer; I think I’m pretty good at it. Even if I’m not, I don’t care. I love to do it. Anyway, I haven’t been able to write anything decent in the past few weeks. I’m not sure how to get past this writer's block. Any suggestions?
Pentastrophe in Oregon.
Ay, Pentastrophe:
If I’m going to help you write again, you’d better be good. I’d hate to think that I’m helping to bring crappy literature into the world. In my own experience, I work best off of pain. Perhaps there isn’t enough drama in your life. Try punching your best friend. If you can’t get any good material from that, run over your neighbor's dog. If you’re weird and don’t want to do that because you like dogs, sleep with your neighbor's husband. Extra drama points If you’re both straight men. Okay, really, before you can fix a problem, the problem has to be identified. What might be causing your writer’s block? Is it creative? Are you dealing with a major life issue? (e.g., pet goldfish died, your kleptomaniac boy/girlfriend that showered you with presents daily dumped you, you finally found out that they’ve disowned Pluto as a planet.) Whatever it may be, find the issue and deal with it. If all else fails, just write about vampires. Even if it sucks, it’ll still make you famous.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Armadillos and Penn Badgley.
Yo, AJ:
I’m a gay male. That’s relevant, I swear. I don’t just say that to people any time I meet them. It’s not, like, part of my introduction. Anyway, I’m kind of hopelessly in love with a friend of mine, but I have no idea if he bats for my team. How can I figure out if he does? And if he does, how can I figure out if he’s into me too?
An Armadillo Outed Me.
Ay, An Armadillo Outed Me:
First of all, I hope that isn’t your birth name. Secondly, grab his junk and see what happens. Stop looking at me like that. It works. Really. Not always for the better, but hey, at least you’ll have an answer… Ugh, okay. Well, I suppose the first step would be, acknowledging the fact that you’re gay. If he doesn’t already know, you need to make it known. (What’s the best way to come out to your friend you might ask. Grab his junk.) Once it’s been established that you’s into da menz, ask if he thinks Penn Badgley is hot. If he says yes, grab his junk. “His” being your friend, not Penn Badgley. Don’t grab Penn Badgley’s junk. He’s mine. Anyway, if your friend says no, he’s either straight, or stupid. Should your friend happen to be gay, ask him if he’d like to have dinner sometime. You should probably let go of his junk when you ask. Just to show you’re classy and respectful. This ain’t no trailer park. If he agrees to a dinner date, grab his junk. Grab his junk, and never let go.
P.S. Don’t really grab his junk. What are you, stupid? It’s a metaphor.
I’m a gay male. That’s relevant, I swear. I don’t just say that to people any time I meet them. It’s not, like, part of my introduction. Anyway, I’m kind of hopelessly in love with a friend of mine, but I have no idea if he bats for my team. How can I figure out if he does? And if he does, how can I figure out if he’s into me too?
An Armadillo Outed Me.
Ay, An Armadillo Outed Me:
First of all, I hope that isn’t your birth name. Secondly, grab his junk and see what happens. Stop looking at me like that. It works. Really. Not always for the better, but hey, at least you’ll have an answer… Ugh, okay. Well, I suppose the first step would be, acknowledging the fact that you’re gay. If he doesn’t already know, you need to make it known. (What’s the best way to come out to your friend you might ask. Grab his junk.) Once it’s been established that you’s into da menz, ask if he thinks Penn Badgley is hot. If he says yes, grab his junk. “His” being your friend, not Penn Badgley. Don’t grab Penn Badgley’s junk. He’s mine. Anyway, if your friend says no, he’s either straight, or stupid. Should your friend happen to be gay, ask him if he’d like to have dinner sometime. You should probably let go of his junk when you ask. Just to show you’re classy and respectful. This ain’t no trailer park. If he agrees to a dinner date, grab his junk. Grab his junk, and never let go.
P.S. Don’t really grab his junk. What are you, stupid? It’s a metaphor.
"John" and "Susan" slept together.
Yo, AJ:
I know these three people in a love triangle situation. “Like” triangle? Anyway, “John” and “Mary” are dating. And “Susan” and “John” had a thing several months ago, before “John” and “Mary” started dating. However, for the past few weeks, “Susan” and “John” have been flirting back and forth. I told “Susan” it’s a bad idea, but some bitches just don’t listen. The whole time, “Susan” has been trying to get “John” to break up with “Mary”. And, although “John” has wanted to break up with “Mary”, he is much too chicken to do so. Finally, about a week ago “John” and “Susan” slept together. Now I’m the only one who knows, other than “John” and “Susan”, of course. I don’t know if I should tell “Mary”. I know too much. So many secrets! Oh God!
To Tell Or Not To Tell, That Is The Question.
Ay, TTONTTTITQ:
Just kill them all… Is what I would say if homicide wasn’t illegal. However, it is illegal. So don’t do that. It’s unfortunate that “Susan” is a dumb ho that doesn‘t know how to listen to good advice. Depending on how long you’ve known “Mary”, and how close the two of you are, I’m not sure that it would be your place to tell her. If you wouldn’t call her your best friend, I don’t think you should be the one to tell her. It’s not your fault “John” is a scared-ass little bitch that can’t own up to his feelings. Perhaps he just needs some motivation. Next time the two of you hang out, offer to buy him a drink. He’ll accept your offer because in this scenario he’s an alchie. Once he’s finished his drink tell him you’ve poisoned it and that he only has 24 hours to confess his true feelings and say goodbye to his loved ones. (Actually poisoning the drink is up to you.) But really, you shouldn’t have to get involved with drama that isn’t your own.
I know these three people in a love triangle situation. “Like” triangle? Anyway, “John” and “Mary” are dating. And “Susan” and “John” had a thing several months ago, before “John” and “Mary” started dating. However, for the past few weeks, “Susan” and “John” have been flirting back and forth. I told “Susan” it’s a bad idea, but some bitches just don’t listen. The whole time, “Susan” has been trying to get “John” to break up with “Mary”. And, although “John” has wanted to break up with “Mary”, he is much too chicken to do so. Finally, about a week ago “John” and “Susan” slept together. Now I’m the only one who knows, other than “John” and “Susan”, of course. I don’t know if I should tell “Mary”. I know too much. So many secrets! Oh God!
To Tell Or Not To Tell, That Is The Question.
Ay, TTONTTTITQ:
Just kill them all… Is what I would say if homicide wasn’t illegal. However, it is illegal. So don’t do that. It’s unfortunate that “Susan” is a dumb ho that doesn‘t know how to listen to good advice. Depending on how long you’ve known “Mary”, and how close the two of you are, I’m not sure that it would be your place to tell her. If you wouldn’t call her your best friend, I don’t think you should be the one to tell her. It’s not your fault “John” is a scared-ass little bitch that can’t own up to his feelings. Perhaps he just needs some motivation. Next time the two of you hang out, offer to buy him a drink. He’ll accept your offer because in this scenario he’s an alchie. Once he’s finished his drink tell him you’ve poisoned it and that he only has 24 hours to confess his true feelings and say goodbye to his loved ones. (Actually poisoning the drink is up to you.) But really, you shouldn’t have to get involved with drama that isn’t your own.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)